I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
