I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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