I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
