Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
