Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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