girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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