dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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