Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
