i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
