nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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