Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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