I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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