i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
