I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i think i just lost a toe
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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