Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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