***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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