If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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