I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All I want is dick and wine.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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