so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
