don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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