I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
