Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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