your thong is hanging out like whoa
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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