Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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