Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
