...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
