you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
