I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize