i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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