We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
