at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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