i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
