Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
