no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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