dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
