I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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