I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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