I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
