New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
