Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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