never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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