He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
