Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
