Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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