i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
