I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
