somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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