wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize