did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
