cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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