ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
