Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
