just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
