the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
