The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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