So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize