in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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