Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
