i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
