Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
