Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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