I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
