I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize