When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
