i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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