You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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