If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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