Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
People in love make me want to vomit
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
