I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
