You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
