her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
