Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
