The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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