do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize