I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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