hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
