i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
