Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
