I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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